From Checkers to Chess: Surviving Family Court

My name is Marissa. I’m an abuse survivor and an advocate for women who’ve fought similar fights.

This is my perspective. My truth. And the strategy I built to get out.

I’m not here to sling mud or chase revenge. I’m here for the women trapped between abusive dynamics and a broken system. The ones who feel invisible, disbelieved, or too exhausted to keep swinging. If that’s you, I’m here to witness your pain, hold the line with you, and remind you that you can rebuild.

Thirteen Years Ago

I moved to Florida with my five-year-old son to care for my grandpa and start over. By then, I’d already survived a divorce and a tough custody battle, with a second divorce in process. No kids that time, just a clean break and a few more scars.

I won’t pretend I didn’t contribute to some of my earlier messes. My lessons came slow, but I believe God let them, because my biggest battle was still ahead.

The Relationship That Lasted Too Long

Not long after moving, I met the man who would later become my younger son’s father. Looking back, it should have been a short-lived fling. Instead, it became a long-term challenge.

At first, he was fun and social, with a stable retail job. I later discovered that behind the surface, things were far less secure. The first time I visited where he was staying, I realized the situation wasn’t what I had expected. In an effort to help, I cleaned, cooked, and tried to create stability. That decision pulled me deeper in.

Eventually, we moved into a home he purchased with inheritance funds. I renovated and contributed financially to upgrades. For a moment, it looked like stability.

The Spiral

He later transitioned out of retail into real estate, but the work didn’t materialize as planned. Around the same time, I became pregnant, and his health began to decline. Medical treatments helped temporarily, but his energy and contribution decreased.

We had a healthy baby boy and what appeared to be a manageable life, but his health setbacks grew heavier. I often carried the weight of the household, childcare, and my grandfather’s care.

Then came another blow, my older son was diagnosed with nocturnal epilepsy. We were in and out of hospitals, cycling through medications, and coping with the side effects. The pressure was immense.

The Breaking Point

One day, I came home from the hospital to find the power shut off. I had asked my partner at the time to cover that one bill. When it wasn’t paid for months, reconnection was nearly $900.

I packed essentials and left with the kids. Before I could address the relationship, the locks were changed, and we were cut off from belongings. Friends helped us find a small duplex; safe enough, affordable, and a fresh start.

That was also when I first encountered his attorney and our judge, both of whom would remain fixtures in my journey.

The First Court Battle

Soon after, emergency orders temporarily shifted custody. I was thrust into the family court arena and had to learn the rules quickly.

At the time, I was a real estate photographer. I knew how to showcase a property’s best—or worst—features. With my attorney’s guidance, I documented the condition of the former home.

The footage showed overgrown lawns, a green pool, and unsanitary living conditions. In court, the narrative was initially flipped against me, but the video evidence shifted the perspective.

Even then, the judge gave my ex a “second chance.” That was the day I realized that in family court, “winning” rarely means what you think it does.

It was also the day I stopped playing checkers. From that point on, it was chess.

Video proof of the environment my ex thought was acceptable for our son to live in.

This blog reflects my personal experiences, perceptions, and lessons. It is not intended as legal advice or sworn testimony. Names and identifying details are minimized or altered for safety. My purpose in sharing is advocacy, so other women can see the patterns, learn strategy, and feel less alone.

👉 If you’d like to start professionally tracking your life for guidance or want to learn how tarot can map timelines, feel free to reach out. While I use these tools to help women navigate divorce and rebuilding, they can also be applied to relationships, personal healing, and creating a more fulfilling life after hardship